A heart may be in a bun but muffin tops are better.

2 posts in one night? Am I that lucky? Yes, I know that is what you are thinking. I've decided since my last post was not so funny that I would share with you some of my most favorite messages that have graced my dating inbox. Now I know how hard it is to find the right thing to say to get noticed and I don't want to discourage any of the guys...but. Well. Maybe for any guys reading, don't use these as good examples. Enjoy!


HELLO MY NAME IS PAUL I LOVED YOUR AD WOW NICE I WOULD LOVE TO GO TO GRANVILLE ISLAND

Hello my name is Paul I loved Your ad wow Nice.I would Love to go to granville island and buy ingredients 4 a meal or items for a picnic.we would either create an amazing meal together or enjoy each other's company on our picnic.if this doesnt interest you we could do the old standby and go 4 coffee or a meal.

This message was followed with wonderful pictures of wine, chocolates, a diamond ring and a picture of Italy



I DON'T REMEMBER THE MESSAGE TITLE, IT WAS PROBABLY SOMETHING AWESOME LIKE 'HEY'

Beauty comes in many shades and you with that stunning smile has my heart in a bun. How can somebody like yourself be so beautiful and alone? Let me take you to a place of life, a place of adventure, a place you deserve to be.

I actually did message this one back and we almost met for coffee.



HI I'M VERY SASSY

Hi I'm Tom.

I'm pretty sure his friends call him Chatty Cathy



TOP OF THE MUFFIN...TO YOU

Hi the top of the muffin is the best cause it's were the muffin breaks away from the pan and it's yummy. So we don't really need the stumps

Err....ok?

No means no, even in San Francisco

So it's been a while since I've last posted and it's partially because of procrastination but also partially because I wasn't sure if I wanted to post about my last brief encounter. Even though I came up with one of the best titles ever (WHOA COWBOY, NOW THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL SPEED DATING) I've decided not to include it here. Maybe it's because it also opens me up to judgement lol. What I will do is leave this quote as it was what I basically followed:

"It's impossible", said pride. "It's risky", said experience. "It's pointless", said reason. "Give it a try", whispered the heart.

Now onto the real reason you are here to read....

*edit* So reading this now that it's done, it isn't really funny. I guess take this one as more of a warning. Ladies, assholes are everywhere.

I SO HOT, I SO SEXY!

So I took a trip to San Francisco with my L.A. friend in October and being two single ladies we were bound to meet some men. One evening we went to a bar called Mojito's (which by the way, their mojito's sucked, it seemed to be Salsa night and there was a huge crowd for a Thursday night. My friend and I sat at the bar with our drinks and watched over the crowd while we unwound from a long day of touristing and waited for her friend to join us. The first guy to approach us was this young, afro'd, stinking of pot little boy. He tried real hard but I politely ended our conversation as his bad breath and tendency to spit when he talked was not much of a turn on for me. After the Spitter was gone the bartender bought us a drink(he thought I was cute ;) )The second guy who approached us was very nice. He was from Australia and had just got into San Fran that day. His friend had abandoned him (wanting to sleep) so we said he could hang out with us. After a while a guy with a motorcycle helmet and bag came up to the bar and sort of stood around. Our new Australian friend offered to put his bag under his barstool. Once Pablo Escobar got himself a beer and had a swig he grabbed my hand and pulled me on the dancefloor. I love to dance so I went along with it. We tried to have as much conversation as you can have on a loud crazy dancefloor. When we returned to the bar the Australian had disappeared and our other friend had arrived. It seemed to be a good night, Pablo wanted to take my friend and I for a motorcycle ride around San Francisco, over the Golden Gate bridge. Then we did what we shouldn't have done (hindsight's always 20/20)and given him my friends number to get a hold of us.

When the bar closed we should have all left it at that but we decided to go back to our friends house for a few more drinks and Pablo came along. This is where everything went downhill. Pablo had to work the next morning in which none of us knew until he disappeared out on the patio and called in sick. He then proceeded to get insanely drunk on vodka ( as there was no mix left) and sing "You so hot, you so sexy" over and over to me. He kept going on about the connection between us and that he would fly me out to San Francisco anytime I wanted and come visit me in Vancouver. I won't go into much more detail but he basically followed me everywhere around the tiny apartment trying to kiss me which involved him trying to suck my tongue out of my mouth. It had to be the worst kiss ever; It was worse then the first few kisses you ever have when you don't even know what your doing! He also wasn't getting the hint to stop which became less and less subtle with each advance.

He was about a fraction away from getting his huevo's jammed up into his liver when our guy friend said the party was done, time to go home. Pablo wanted to come stay at our place (I called in sick for you, to spend time with you) and when I said no he basically threw a tantrum stomping down the stairs, slamming the apartment door and heaving himself into a pile outside on the sidewalk. Inside he said he would call a cab but now he decided he would just sleep it off outside my friends apartment building. When our friend asked him if he would be ok Pablo replied "Yeah, sometimes guys make mistakes". This I couldn't take and walked up to him and asked him to repeat it, which he did. I then told him that "Well, sometimes girls make mistakes too. Don't bother calling, loose our number" and we left him mumbling on the sidewalk.

Pablo ended up calling about 5 or 6 times the two days after that. We never bothered picking up.

I can keep it clean if I want to

Hello Folks,

This post has nothing to do with any dates (awww, too bad you say) but is sad, creepy and has to do with an ex boyfriend so it's fair game.

CREEPY McCREEPSTER

So to put a little back story in, Creepster and I went out on and off for about a year and a half almost 15 years ago. It wasn't the most emotionally stable relationship and in my young naive state I put up with way too much. After the final split we never spoke or saw each other. I heard rumors over the years of people who saw him but would avoid the places I heard he was working. One night about 5 years ago I happened to bump into him (actually I phoned in for take out and he was the one I had to pick it up from) Ooooh....side note on creepy: I worked at Starbucks at the time and was covering a shift at a different location; he had commented how he didn't know I had transferred...which meant he knew which one I was working at.

Anyways, he then found me on facebook and sent me message after message to meet up. I reluctantly did after about 2 weeks. It was then that he apologized for how he treated me and that he had read some book realized how much of a douchebag he was to me. I accepted his apology but wasn't 100% sure if I wanted his friendship. I had however added him to facebook and probably off my better judgement had given him my number (I was probably drunk, it was my summer of drunken facebook lol).

Let's fast forward to this year. Back in February he texted me non stop for about a week ( in a crazy stalkerish kinda way) I was going through a break-up and he showered me in kind words and compliments. I was the best thing that happened to him. I was perfect in every way. According to him the world pretty much revolved around me. But then the texts stopped when my recollection of our dating experience differed from his.

So I hadn't heard anything from him until this past weekend when he texts me at 2AM on Saturday. First just a hello, then a what are you doing. Then he asks me to send him a picture. (We all know what for now don't we?) I said no. He said I could keep it clean, leave my clothes on. I said nope. He said he would take me for dinner. Uh-uh. He then said he would give me what ever I wanted...in which he meant dinner and a movie. In which I still said no. He then said he could only 'get there' if he fantasized about me and that he just wanted an up to the minute pic as he had already used my facebook pictures before.

EWW.

Now I know if there are any guys that peruse this blog they might be thinking "Hey, she should take it as a compliment". But I don't, I feel violated, creeped out and disgusted. I'm sure there are many other guys out there that do that, but us girls don't really want to know about it. I actually feel sad for him. Why? Well, I did a little of my own facebook creeping (the non gyrating kind, sory boys)before I de-friended him. He just had a baby that looks to be a few months old with another girl. She probably doesn't know a thing about me. Yeah, a real stand-up asshat.

Seriously, an apology isn't to start with a clean slate just so you can muddy it up with more douchebagery.

Can someone wash my pictures?

Couchsurfing is only for traveling.

Alright this is the last history lesson from my old profile. After this will be all new excursions and let me tell you...I think I have a couple in the works that will make for great entries. Or maybe one will just be a humorous beginning to finding my match :)

But for now, let's get on with it.

CHEF NO HOME

If you were to judge a book by it's cover, this guy would be great. He works as a chef at a Vancouver hotel, very chill, enjoyed the sun as much as I did and loved to dance. After multiple short emails we switched to texting which worked a lot better and after about a week and a half decided to meet up. We decided on a Sunday afternoon. There was a UFC fight on the night before and we shared texts about the outcomes. The morning of our coffee date he texted me to let me know he 'was soooo hungover' but he still wanted to meet up with me, I just couldn't laugh at him. (For any guys reading this, it's not very impressive to hear this. Hangovers do happen, I of all people know...just don't tell the girl. Or just don't get smashed the night before a coffee date LOL) SO, keeping my open mind like I keep telling myself to, I met up with him that afternoon. The beginning wasn't that bad, he did look a bit tired and he was a bit...'slow', but the conversation seemed to be going well. Then he started talking about his job and basically gave me his full background of work experience. Since the sun was coming out we decided to walk and find a park bench. During the walk he made some comment about how he was younger than me (by a year or so?) and called me a Cougar in some roundabout way. (Not so cool). When we were seated in the park we started talking about bars, clubs, dancing etc. He shared a story about how he broke his arm from dancing on a pole?? Not quite sure on how it happened, not sure if I really wanted to know. He then went on to say it was his friends fault and he had to take work off and his friend offered his place to him since he wasn't making any money. In which he was still couchsurfing at his friends place even though he was working again. It was at that point where I pretty much knew I was done. Sorry, I can't date someone who doesn't even have their own room...be a grown man and get and find your own place or move in with a roommate where you have a proper room. Oh..there was also a rat that came out of the bushes at some point and he kept telling me to look at it, wasn't it gross? One thing I will give him is that he was a gentleman and walked me to my car. But then I might take it away because once we got to it he made fun of me because it was Automatic. This coming from a guy who lost his license and then got a a couple tickets a month earlier for speeding and driving without a license. Yeah, not really upset that this one never called me back.

Because 35 is soooo old....

Sorry, I have been distracted with the end of summer. Let's move on to the next one shall we? This one is not so much humorous as I feel sad for the poor old pooch. (You'll get that bad joke later).

THE POOPER SCOOPER

So I had started chatting with the Pooper Scooper about the same as the Ninja Masseuse. He was very much into Hockey (good), was impressed with my goal of black belt (good), and seemed to have a good sense of humor (*Ding ding ding*). We met up for a coffee and he picked me out in the parking lot with a "Hey, Ninja!". Coffee seemed to go well, we had an easy conversation and decided to take a walk around the Dyke while we finished the last of our drinks. Then I found out that he scooped poop for a living. That's right, he scooped the poop. It wasn't even his own company, he worked for a friend. He did make a valid point though...that he got to hang around with dogs all day, what could be better than that.

So putting the choice of his employment aside I agreed to go for dinner with him. He left it up to me so I decided on Sushi (always a good idea if you aren't so sure, usually a quickly served meal so if the date is not so good you aren't stuck for a long time, you can tell how adventurous someone is by their roll choices and if it is a good date it's light enough that you can continue the date with a little dessert and coffee ;) ) This is where things went slightly sour. The topic went to work in which he told me he was now looking to find a new job and then started talking about a government job and how much money he would make, how he didn't like his pooper scooper boss and then back to how much money he would make with this new job. Because I'm a sucker for punishment sometimes I agreed to grab a coffee afterward. There was a glimmer of hope when we started talking hobbies/activities until all of a sudden he was too old for everything. Too old for camping. Too old to try martial arts. Too old for hiking. He did play softball but felt like he was getting too old for the running. Oye, the guy was only 35! So long story short there was no future dates in store for this one, I mean I was a young 32 at the time. No need to drag myself down with an 'old' man. ;)

"But what do you think of my voice?"

I thought I'd start the transition into my 'new' blog with a little history of my dating life. I could go way back to my early 20's when I had a date shove his un cooked chicken finger in my face. But I won't. Let's just start at the beginning of the year shall we?

NINJA MASSEUSE

Ahhh yes...thought I may have hit the jackpot with this one as he trained in martial arts and was a licensed masseuse. We never actually got to the first date but he definitely gets an honorable mention here. We had a fair bit to talk about in the beginning except our MSN chats seemed to be touch and go for months. That was until one day when out of nowhere he sent a msg asking if I wanted to meet up and wouldn't let me go until we set a date. He also wouldn't settle for just coffee as he was absolutely positive we would hit it off and wanted to do the whole coffee-dinner-walk on the beach thing. After exchanging numbers he called me right away ignoring my msg that I was on my way out the door. Directly after our quick 5 minute conversation he msg'd me again letting me know what a sweet voice I had (insert 'awwws' here) and then asked what I thought of his. Now here's the thing - I don't discriminate because of a persons voice but it wasn't like he had one of those deep, growly Barry White voices, so what was I to say? So I left it unanswered since I had already told him I was going out the door.

The next day I had to msg him to re-schedule the date (giving 4 days notice) as I had over booked myself. We decided on another day and again he brought up the question of 'What do you think of my voice'. Clearly the boy must have some issues about his voice. So I told him he sounded like a nice guy. (Not the right answer?) Fast forward through the whole week without any msg's until the day before when I asked what time we should meet up. It is then when he decides to ask if we can re-schedule as something has come up.

I hadn't heard from him until a month later when he msg'd me asking how I was doing, enjoying the summer, do you have a picture? (Seriously? Didn't we cover that all before when we first started chatting? and it wasn't asked right in the beginning, it was well into our conversation) He then asked if I wanted to come over for a full body massage...and couldn't see how it would be inappropriate for a first meet up as 'he does it all the time'. Yeah, that was our last conversation. I don't plan on having anymore with him ;)

Waiting...waiting...still waiting...

I definitely not one who is able to wait for things easily. Not that instant gratification is always best...but the last two days have been just slightly above torture for me. I still have one more day left to wait. For what? To find out if I passed my Black Belt test. Four years of training (which you would think would be the hard part), two days of testing and then three days of waiting.


I don't want to be over confident and think that I have it in the bag because what if I don't? I've been told a few times by people not to worry, they know that I will pass. I did do my best and gave it all I had but the perfectionist inside me knows the little mistakes I made. Not that you have to be *perfect* to be a Black Belt, but what if I made one too many mistakes? I was never overly nervous about the testing after I completed the fitness test...but I think I'm making up for it now.

The worst part of waiting is filling in your time so you don't think about what your waiting for. Usually I do this by watching mindless TV, to shut off my brain. But then sometimes I also have a tendency to bake, cook and eat when I'm stressed. Put it all together and you get me sitting on the couch eating brownies after lunch and contemplating a run to the grocery store to get whip cream for them. Not quite the picture of Black Belt Excellence LOL!

Well I guess the silver lining of it all is that I've made it through the first two days so the third one can't be that bad...

UGH, Valentines Day

I've been putting off another entry until I could be happy and cheerful or funny and sarcastic about something because the last thing I want is a 'poor me' blog but I'm just not at that point yet so you will have to deal with it. Besides it's Valentines Day, single people are allowed to bitch and be woeful. LOL

Although I have been healing and each day has been getting a bit better, I still have relapses. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. The days have been good but it's hard to stop the mind from running in circles at night when the room is quiet and my fingers are itching to dial the phone. Mostly it's all unanswerable questions, but here we are.

Why is it that we are hardwired to want to share our life with someone? Why is it that some of us are made to go through so much of our lives without someone? How do you let go of someone when they have all the qualities that you are looking for? Why is it that they are brought into your life if you aren't allowed to 'have' them? Is this life playing a nasty joke on me, giving me false hope that there is someone out there that will accept me and like me just the way I am? Why is it that I can't have that someone? If we aren't meant to be then when will I find that 'one'? and if I am supposed to go through all of this to be stronger then how much stronger do I have to be? With all the undesirable relationships of my past I have probably become one of the strongest people I know, so when does all this 'testing' stop? Why is it that all the good men that I have pursued have all been unattainable?

I am thankful for everything and everyone in my life but I'd really like to have that 'someone'. I am by no means defendant on anyone except for myself but my heart just wants to share itself. My sister says to think of how wonderful it will be when 'he' finds me, but how much longer do I have to be alone?

Youtube drop

I don't really want to start my new blog with just a bunch of you tube videos, but, that's what your gonna get because I don't know if I want to spill my feelings right now. I don't even know if I want to start a new blog as last time a few people got all hot and bothered about a couple things I posted.

The last week has been full of ups and downs, it's like a potpourri of emotions inside my head and I never know what which one will come next. Just like the Vancouver weather I've had cloudy days with moments of sunshine and days of sunshine with cold rainy nights. Every day gets better and I'm working my best at taking life one day at a time, not worrying about tomorrow and living in the now.

With that said I feel like I have connected with different songs every day and would like to share some of the ones I have come across.

Yes, I know, I think it's Country. But it grabs me so deeply.
Need you now ~ Lady Antebellum


This one makes me sigh....
Glitter in the Air ~ Pink


This one always gets me, something is so haunting about it.
Breath Me ~ Sia

I love her voice
Smile ~ Zee Avi (cover)

Wow...even though I said I didn't want to spill my feelings I guess I just so musically.

(I am still working on a better title for this blog as well, any suggestions...let me know)