I've been putting off another entry until I could be happy and cheerful or funny and sarcastic about something because the last thing I want is a 'poor me' blog but I'm just not at that point yet so you will have to deal with it. Besides it's Valentines Day, single people are allowed to bitch and be woeful. LOL
Although I have been healing and each day has been getting a bit better, I still have relapses. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. The days have been good but it's hard to stop the mind from running in circles at night when the room is quiet and my fingers are itching to dial the phone. Mostly it's all unanswerable questions, but here we are.
Why is it that we are hardwired to want to share our life with someone? Why is it that some of us are made to go through so much of our lives without someone? How do you let go of someone when they have all the qualities that you are looking for? Why is it that they are brought into your life if you aren't allowed to 'have' them? Is this life playing a nasty joke on me, giving me false hope that there is someone out there that will accept me and like me just the way I am? Why is it that I can't have that someone? If we aren't meant to be then when will I find that 'one'? and if I am supposed to go through all of this to be stronger then how much stronger do I have to be? With all the undesirable relationships of my past I have probably become one of the strongest people I know, so when does all this 'testing' stop? Why is it that all the good men that I have pursued have all been unattainable?
I am thankful for everything and everyone in my life but I'd really like to have that 'someone'. I am by no means defendant on anyone except for myself but my heart just wants to share itself. My sister says to think of how wonderful it will be when 'he' finds me, but how much longer do I have to be alone?
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