UGH, Valentines Day

I've been putting off another entry until I could be happy and cheerful or funny and sarcastic about something because the last thing I want is a 'poor me' blog but I'm just not at that point yet so you will have to deal with it. Besides it's Valentines Day, single people are allowed to bitch and be woeful. LOL

Although I have been healing and each day has been getting a bit better, I still have relapses. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. The days have been good but it's hard to stop the mind from running in circles at night when the room is quiet and my fingers are itching to dial the phone. Mostly it's all unanswerable questions, but here we are.

Why is it that we are hardwired to want to share our life with someone? Why is it that some of us are made to go through so much of our lives without someone? How do you let go of someone when they have all the qualities that you are looking for? Why is it that they are brought into your life if you aren't allowed to 'have' them? Is this life playing a nasty joke on me, giving me false hope that there is someone out there that will accept me and like me just the way I am? Why is it that I can't have that someone? If we aren't meant to be then when will I find that 'one'? and if I am supposed to go through all of this to be stronger then how much stronger do I have to be? With all the undesirable relationships of my past I have probably become one of the strongest people I know, so when does all this 'testing' stop? Why is it that all the good men that I have pursued have all been unattainable?

I am thankful for everything and everyone in my life but I'd really like to have that 'someone'. I am by no means defendant on anyone except for myself but my heart just wants to share itself. My sister says to think of how wonderful it will be when 'he' finds me, but how much longer do I have to be alone?

Youtube drop

I don't really want to start my new blog with just a bunch of you tube videos, but, that's what your gonna get because I don't know if I want to spill my feelings right now. I don't even know if I want to start a new blog as last time a few people got all hot and bothered about a couple things I posted.

The last week has been full of ups and downs, it's like a potpourri of emotions inside my head and I never know what which one will come next. Just like the Vancouver weather I've had cloudy days with moments of sunshine and days of sunshine with cold rainy nights. Every day gets better and I'm working my best at taking life one day at a time, not worrying about tomorrow and living in the now.

With that said I feel like I have connected with different songs every day and would like to share some of the ones I have come across.

Yes, I know, I think it's Country. But it grabs me so deeply.
Need you now ~ Lady Antebellum


This one makes me sigh....
Glitter in the Air ~ Pink


This one always gets me, something is so haunting about it.
Breath Me ~ Sia

I love her voice
Smile ~ Zee Avi (cover)

Wow...even though I said I didn't want to spill my feelings I guess I just so musically.

(I am still working on a better title for this blog as well, any suggestions...let me know)