Dating Discussion #1

Alright people let's talk sex. Yeah, I'm going there even when I know that my sister and my mom read my entries. That's just how this blog rolls. Feel free to leave your own comments below. Open discussion is encouraged here :)

THE THIRD DATE DILEMMA

I've been doing some pondering lately about the dating world. More specifically about those 'steps and rules' everyone goes through when you start to date someone new. I mean, the steps are commonly known by everyone. (Firstly if it's online there is a whole other staircase to climb first before you even get here but that's a whole different post)

Step #1: Go on coffee date, share a kiss.
Step #2: Go for dinner, share longer kiss/make-out.
Step #3: Go on date three = have sexy time.

These steps are so well known that they've shown up in tv and movies (and I'm sure in lyrics somewhere behind some catchy base line or pop beat). Tell anyone you are going on date #3 and they'll go "ooooh yeah, date #3 huh?" *eyebrow waggle*

But what if you don't want to have sexy time by date three? What if your not 100% positive that you are comfortable enough to wake up the next day beside them? What if your dating partner doesn't sleep with you on date three night? Does that mean it's time to throw in the towel and move on to the next one? Just because you haven't hit the sheets by date three surely can't mean that the connection is dead or can't be strengthened enough to hit the sheets in the future. I find this disturbing, like an unappetizing fast food dinner instead of a well prepared home cooked meal. I believe it is proven fact that women are more open and confident in bed with someone that they feel comfortable with and have created some kind of bond to; which means if you wait until that point then the sex would obviously be better. So why is it that guys are on such a fast paced track to sexing? I won't group all men in this because I do know that there are men who will wait and I can't group all women either because I also know some women who can brush off one nighters with ease so hitting the sheets on date #3 wouldn't be as much of an issue with them. But I'm going to continue as I believe this covers the majority of both sexes.

Lets use 'HAIRY' as an example. From my last post you can all probably guess atleast one of the reasons why I would be hesitant to jump into his bed. What stumps me is the words he said to me didn't really stack up to his lack of action in the end. Did that make sense? Let me explain. Near the end of the evening, after a bit of a make out session he stated that it was near his bed time. This of course was the fork in the road where I either decided to get my frisky on or take myself home. He said that he didn't want to...what's the word...push or force kinda sound too strong. He didn't want me to do anything I didn't want to do, or be comfortable with. I told him that it was best for me to go home that night. At that time I gave him props for being a gentleman and not pushing the subject (or anything else) on me. This of course faded away when he cancelled on our next get together and then never contacted me again. (Some could say it was up to me as well to contact him but in my defense I was the one who asked him to join me for a party and he cancelled. I believe if you cancel with someone it is up to you to call them up to get together another time as to show that you still have interest in them. It was also myself who had contacted him the last 2 times which also made it 'his turn' in my eyes. I'm a girl, I'm supposed to be the chase-ee not the chaser...which I guess is probably another whole different topic to be brought up here on it's own one day)

Anyways, I'm wandering again. Where was I? Right, the part where he lost interest. This is the part I didn't understand. How do you, or why would you, spend the time to start to get to know someone and just start to scratch the surface on what they are all about only to throw them back in the (figurative) sea because they wouldn't share your bed with you? Of course maybe he had other reasons...maybe a red flag popped up in his head because I was too hairless (I mean my back you dirty, dirty birds).

I guess my point is why say that you don't want to push someone into something and go by their speed if you really aren't going to stick around if they don't. But then I guess he would be quite the asshole if he said "Are you going to sleep with me? No? Okay, the doors over there, see ya. Don't call me."

How is it that sex has become such an important factor so early in the game. Yes, it's exciting and new....because it's with a new person...of course it's going to be exciting and new! But what happens when that lusty period is over and your left sitting across from each other wondering who that person is? I'm by no way a prude. I've slept with guys too early (bet Mom's proud now) and I've made some wait a long time (building Mom's pride back up) but it has always depended on the guy/situation and I never rate them by a sexual timetable. I think that it would be more important to form a more solid bond so that you could keep your sexy time exciting in the long run.

What if it was a friend in which you started dating? Do these rules apply even if you already know someone fairly well or do they get tossed aside because of that very fact?

I could continue to pull situations out of my past and keep rambling but I won't. This is by no means a post of a woman scorned, I'm fully happy with the decision I made. This post is to get you to think, ask questions and start conversations. So I will leave you with a question on which to ponder...


How is it that not having sex on date #3 has become a deal breaker and why as a society have we let it become one?

(Sorry, guess that was 2 questions :p)

No business up front.....Party in the back!

Hello Guys and Dolls, it's been a while so let's just get to it shall we?

HAIRY

So Hairy was the first guy I met off of a newer dating site for 'more serious' daters. After the usual first few messages we moved onto msn and phone and then onto the first meet up. Since he was an outdoorsy guy he suggested a walk in the park. (I had a friend comment why I was so risky with the first meet up....it was a public park in the daylight people! C'mon :p) Since it was sunny out we were both covered by our sunglasses and hats (my hangover hat of course) so neither of us could really get a good look at the other. However he seemed very nice and we had good conversation. We both love Radiohead so there was a lot of talk about them. He is also a huge concert goer and told me many stories of the concerts he had gone to. At the end of our meet up we parted ways with a 'nice to meet you' and I was very unsure of where it was going to go. He did end up calling and asking me out for drinks a few days later. Since it was in the evening we were both able to get a good look at each others faces this time and he wore the tell all expression of being high. Now I know that nerves can be a bitch sometimes but come on, smoking pot before a date?? Halfway through the evening he lifted his hat to push back his hair and I noticed that it was receding. A lot. What got me was that he grew the rest of it out to his above his shoulders. I instantly got the ping of a dealbreaker. I mean, I know that we are all getting older and that men lose their hair but you can groom accordingly. The conversation was still really good between us though and when we went to leave he waved off my attempt to contribute to the bill. Hairy also left an extremely large tip which I'm not sure was to impress me or because he was too lazy/impatient to get any change from the waitress. Like our first meet up there was no physical contact at the end and he just walked me to my car, said goodnight and kept walking.

So since the end of the date was void of any physical contact I figured that was the end of it.

A week and a half later he messaged me up and apologized for not contacting me for a while as he just started on a new job contract ( He is a heavy machine operator)and asked if I wanted to meet up that week. With the bad hair grooming fresh in my mind I mulled it over and decided that I needed to keep an open mind and that it was just hair. Nothing a well placed, subtle comment couldn't get rid of in the future if need be. So I agreed to meet up a few nights later. When I showed up at his place that night I was happily surprised that he had shaved his head! (In which I complemented of course as it was a much better look) We took a drive out to Blackcomb and Cypress (he wanted to see if there was still snow to get in one more ski weekend) and listened to a bunch of B sides from Radiohead that he had found. I could totally smell the weed in his truck but I kept my mouth shut and thought I would wait to see when he would tell me. After the drive we went for dinner and back to his place where my car was. When we said goodbye we shared a hug and I told him to give me a call. This time when I went to turn to my car he reached out, grabbed me, turned me around and planted a wet one on me. It was kinda hot. What am I saying, it was definitely hot...something about that tiny bit of force and taking control of the situation. Wanting a kiss and just making it happen, it almost seemed that he grew a pair when he cut off his hair or something (if you know what I mean). We made tentative plans to get together on the weekend.

When Saturday rolled around he messaged me in the afternoon and asked if I wanted to get together and go on a hike and have dinner at his place after as he had just marinated some steaks. Cook me dinner? I was in. Not wanting to go over empty handed I supplied the drinks for the evening ( Strawberry infused vodka mixed with fresh strawberries and lemon mojito style. Figured I'd try to impress him with my mixology stylings lol) After dinner and a few cocktails we sat and listened to one of his favorite bands the Black Keys in which I had never heard their earlier stuff before. And yes, we made out a bit. This was about the time that I got the inclination that there was a little more going on on his back than on the top of his head. I really can't say for sure how bad it was but there was definitely a friction of back hair between him and his shirt. More than a light dusting anyways. Once again the red flag in the back of my head popped up. Actually it was more like a very excited person holding a red flag jumping up and down uncontrollably to get noticed. When he said that it was time for him to go to bed I decided it was time for me to go home. I should also mention that he finally admitted that he liked to partake in a little weed from time to time that night.

This was the point in time where I really had to make a decision. Is back hair really a deal breaker? Would it be something I couldn't get past? Would it be something I could subtlety suggest he get rid of without hurting his feelings if we did decide to see each other long term? Was it really something important in the long run when everything else was good? So I did the most logical thing there is to do nowadays and asked my friends on Facebook. I believe it was What are your thoughts on back hair? Is it a dealbreaker? How much is too much? (I wish I had saved all the comments to put in here because I really do have a bunch of hilarious friends) Of course the response was varying and I knew that I would be the one to decide for myself since really I would be the one to have to live with it.

Fortunately or unfortunately I didn't have to make that choice. As it turned out I got extremely sick for 2 weeks. I had invited him to a friends party the one weekend and he had messaged me to let me know he wouldn't be able to make it. Since I was sick to the point that I thought I would die I had left it at that since I was in no shape to go myself either. When I was back to full health I considered contacting him but then decided not to as he was the one who had cancelled on me and that if he wanted to re schedule then he could call me.

I do have a couple theories on why he may not have called. One in particular that I will be posting soon.

As for my decision on back hair.....I guess you'll just have to wait and see until I meet the next sasquatch ;)