Dating Discussion #1

Alright people let's talk sex. Yeah, I'm going there even when I know that my sister and my mom read my entries. That's just how this blog rolls. Feel free to leave your own comments below. Open discussion is encouraged here :)

THE THIRD DATE DILEMMA

I've been doing some pondering lately about the dating world. More specifically about those 'steps and rules' everyone goes through when you start to date someone new. I mean, the steps are commonly known by everyone. (Firstly if it's online there is a whole other staircase to climb first before you even get here but that's a whole different post)

Step #1: Go on coffee date, share a kiss.
Step #2: Go for dinner, share longer kiss/make-out.
Step #3: Go on date three = have sexy time.

These steps are so well known that they've shown up in tv and movies (and I'm sure in lyrics somewhere behind some catchy base line or pop beat). Tell anyone you are going on date #3 and they'll go "ooooh yeah, date #3 huh?" *eyebrow waggle*

But what if you don't want to have sexy time by date three? What if your not 100% positive that you are comfortable enough to wake up the next day beside them? What if your dating partner doesn't sleep with you on date three night? Does that mean it's time to throw in the towel and move on to the next one? Just because you haven't hit the sheets by date three surely can't mean that the connection is dead or can't be strengthened enough to hit the sheets in the future. I find this disturbing, like an unappetizing fast food dinner instead of a well prepared home cooked meal. I believe it is proven fact that women are more open and confident in bed with someone that they feel comfortable with and have created some kind of bond to; which means if you wait until that point then the sex would obviously be better. So why is it that guys are on such a fast paced track to sexing? I won't group all men in this because I do know that there are men who will wait and I can't group all women either because I also know some women who can brush off one nighters with ease so hitting the sheets on date #3 wouldn't be as much of an issue with them. But I'm going to continue as I believe this covers the majority of both sexes.

Lets use 'HAIRY' as an example. From my last post you can all probably guess atleast one of the reasons why I would be hesitant to jump into his bed. What stumps me is the words he said to me didn't really stack up to his lack of action in the end. Did that make sense? Let me explain. Near the end of the evening, after a bit of a make out session he stated that it was near his bed time. This of course was the fork in the road where I either decided to get my frisky on or take myself home. He said that he didn't want to...what's the word...push or force kinda sound too strong. He didn't want me to do anything I didn't want to do, or be comfortable with. I told him that it was best for me to go home that night. At that time I gave him props for being a gentleman and not pushing the subject (or anything else) on me. This of course faded away when he cancelled on our next get together and then never contacted me again. (Some could say it was up to me as well to contact him but in my defense I was the one who asked him to join me for a party and he cancelled. I believe if you cancel with someone it is up to you to call them up to get together another time as to show that you still have interest in them. It was also myself who had contacted him the last 2 times which also made it 'his turn' in my eyes. I'm a girl, I'm supposed to be the chase-ee not the chaser...which I guess is probably another whole different topic to be brought up here on it's own one day)

Anyways, I'm wandering again. Where was I? Right, the part where he lost interest. This is the part I didn't understand. How do you, or why would you, spend the time to start to get to know someone and just start to scratch the surface on what they are all about only to throw them back in the (figurative) sea because they wouldn't share your bed with you? Of course maybe he had other reasons...maybe a red flag popped up in his head because I was too hairless (I mean my back you dirty, dirty birds).

I guess my point is why say that you don't want to push someone into something and go by their speed if you really aren't going to stick around if they don't. But then I guess he would be quite the asshole if he said "Are you going to sleep with me? No? Okay, the doors over there, see ya. Don't call me."

How is it that sex has become such an important factor so early in the game. Yes, it's exciting and new....because it's with a new person...of course it's going to be exciting and new! But what happens when that lusty period is over and your left sitting across from each other wondering who that person is? I'm by no way a prude. I've slept with guys too early (bet Mom's proud now) and I've made some wait a long time (building Mom's pride back up) but it has always depended on the guy/situation and I never rate them by a sexual timetable. I think that it would be more important to form a more solid bond so that you could keep your sexy time exciting in the long run.

What if it was a friend in which you started dating? Do these rules apply even if you already know someone fairly well or do they get tossed aside because of that very fact?

I could continue to pull situations out of my past and keep rambling but I won't. This is by no means a post of a woman scorned, I'm fully happy with the decision I made. This post is to get you to think, ask questions and start conversations. So I will leave you with a question on which to ponder...


How is it that not having sex on date #3 has become a deal breaker and why as a society have we let it become one?

(Sorry, guess that was 2 questions :p)